Grandma’s Primordial Soup, or, The Man In The Insinkerator

Garbage disposals are an example of humanity in its’ prime. If you buy the right one, you can even get rid of small bones. They’re downright amazing. Noodles, meat scraps, cereal? My Insinkerator devours it all.   At least until something got lodged in it. I was flushing a bowl of my Grandma's famous Kitchen... Continue Reading →

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I terrorized my family by playing Doll in the Hall

I saw a game on Facebook last week. It’s a riff on “Elf on the Shelf” called “Doll in the Hall.” Basically, you use a porcelain doll to fuck with your kids during October. It sounded like a blast for me.   I stopped at Goodwill while running errands and found the perfect doll. Pretty... Continue Reading →

The Hitchhiker

About ten thirty a few nights ago, I found myself driving down our curvy country road. I’ve made the same drive, at the same time, for the same thing dozens of times. We just wanted a few scoops of ice cream. It was foggy. There’s a small valley with a bridge at the bottom. I... Continue Reading →

Grandpa Tended Flowers

People wait for upwards of a decade to see the titan arum bloom. For me, the event lined up with some much needed extra credit for my botany course. Everyone was gathered around the bucket sized pod, waiting for it's arrival nine years in the making.   Like watching a rhino ballet dance the large... Continue Reading →

I hate the roller grill

I work for a nation wide gas station chain. We have a fair share of weirdos, like the people who eat exclusively off of the roller grill, or people who seem to stop in specifically to hit on any woman that walks by. Then there’s dudes like Norm. This motherfucker, for starters, has never purchased... Continue Reading →

The Good Son

All of my life I’ve tried as hard as I could to be successful. I worked for my goals, and for the most part I have always been satisfied with my results. I can’t really be sure exactly what first caused my problem. My parent’s never really supported my ambitions of being a botanist. They... Continue Reading →

My Neighbors Think I’m a Ghost

My neighborhood has had a lot of supposedly paranormal activity as of late. The police have made announcements that they can’t really respond to ethereal invaders. Complaints started within the book groups. Their contacts were never where they let them. They’d wake up with fresh ice in their drinks or an empty cup on their... Continue Reading →

Rose’s Whisper

The house seemed like an absolute miracle, the asking price was unbelievably low, the sellers had remodeled most of the house to try to entice buyers and the yard was absolutely enormous, surrounded by vacant, wooded lots on three sides. We were in a tight spot, the seller of the house we were buying backed... Continue Reading →

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